Today's movie: The Wedding Planner
Having seen the horrible p.o.s that this movie is, I am faced with a haunting question. It doesn't directly involve the movie's content per se as it's message was rather clear cut and forcefully shoved down my throat with a blunt, penile shaped object several hundred times during the hour and a half of my life that I spent watching this abomination. I am not the most productive of individuals however so the time wasted here is of no particular grievance to me as I would most likely have spent it doing nothing anyway.
Back to the question I'm left with here. Rather than asking what the makers of this flick were trying to tell me (as mentioned and graphically described earlier, the message was delivered). My question is: What the hell were these filmmakers, these deciples of Satan, trying to acheive by letting this beast of a movie loose on the open market where I would eventually and pretty much inevitably see it?
Before we get into this any further, lets take a look at a rough outline of the story. It's really quite simple. A very pretty but lonely, very professional but unfulfilled...wedding planner falls head over heels in love with a handsome doctor with southern charm to spare who happens to rescue her from a runaway dumpster (?). She doesnt know, however, that this man is the groom in the wedding she's currently planning for some billionaire family. This is of course the event to end all events and if she lands this account she'll be made partner at her wedding planning company (?). (Pardon me, but are there actually people who do this for a living?)
So needless to say, she cant drop the account and ends up picking out flowers and dresses and locations and godknowswhat with the happy bride-to-be, a gorgeous and successful career woman.
Our lovely wedding planner's father seems to be obsessed with weddings and if it werent so crucial to the storyline, somebody would have sent this man into counselling a long time ago. Because his beautiful, rich and successful daughter isn't married at the age of 30 he is OBVIOUSLY about to have a coronary at any given moment, and eventually finds her a man. He comes up with a ridiculously good looking model type who can't spell his own name and has a thing for male bonding, the kind that involves him pouncing on the nearest man and proceeding to beat the crap out of him. This is obviously the kind of man any girl's father would choose, right? And anything's better than his daughter being such a horribly old spinster with nothing in her life but a job she seems to derive great pleasure out of (super anal retentive chick) and Gucci shoes on her feet. Anyways...yada yada yada....handsome doctor man obviously loves beautiful wedding planner girl too, and gorgeous money grabbing career woman can go fuck herself in the end. And so can Maximus (or whatever!), the father's son in law of choice. And everyone lives happily ever after. Except for the two who got dumped on their wedding day, that is. But who cares about their feelings, the movie isnt about them anyway.

Why make a movie like this? Why put the time and effort into making something so completely shallow and uninteresting? Why why why why? Why not just make the trailer and leave it at that. The trailer was about as good, and much shorter -which in this case is an obvious advantage. The dialogue was crap, the story was crap, the characters were crap, the acting was crap and there was absolutely no chemistry between the leads. I've seen more chemistry between lab rats than anything between these two actors. The booty queen J.Lo once again reassured me that she's a terrible actress and Matthew McConoughey once again made me wonder why he ever left the farm.

But...back to my original question. What was the point in making this movie? What the hell were these people trying to do? They put so much effort into trying to make everything seem so friggin wonderful it makes me wonder what the hell they're smoking on. You'd think that in a town where people can't stay married for more than 24 hours they would have learned by now that it's never love at first sight...it's lust. Romance isnt effortless and happy endings don't exist. The only thing a happy ending means is that there's another one all the more horrid waiting just around the corner.

I mean...this movie is nothing. It does nothing. Says nothing. Means nothing. And yet, it's crowning acheivement is making me feel absolutely sick after sitting through it. Hating life. Hating people. Hating men. Hating women. Hating kittens. Why do they do it? These people are fuckin terrorists and they can damn well kiss my ass. And that's about all I have to say about this movie.